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| https://www.andertoons.com/women/cartoon/4043/woman-looking-at-self-in-mirror-labeled-self-check-out |
Hi. Guess what? I think you are great. I see your light. I see the warmth in your heart. I know you try to do the best you can, everyday. I know you are a wonderful friend. I know you have an extraordinary sense of humor. I know you are good and smart and wonderfully flawed. Actually I think I like your flaws the most. It's your flaws that separate you from others. Physically, you are strong and emotionally you are sensitive. You are great.
Can you say that about yourself? No? Why not?
Why is it that we can look at our friends and see the most amazing things but we can not say or feel that way about ourselves? I know it is extremely difficult for me. One of my favorite things is giving compliments. I love telling someone something I see in them, that they may have over looked. Today for example, I was with family and the neighbors came out to play with all the boys. The neighbor boys were so nice and polite and they just blended so well into the group. I made sure to tell the oldest how nice it was to see him playing with the little ones. When the boy's dad came outside to check on his sons, I made sure to introduce myself, and then give him one of the best parent compliments I could. I made sure to tell him how wonderful his boys were.
Me: "Hi Tom. I'm Barbara. I have the twin boys who are 4 and this little guy Jack who is 20 months."
Tom: "Oh really they are cute."
Me: "Thanks. Hey, I just have to tell you that your boys are just playing so nicely. You have good boys. My boys are really having so much fun." (I give a head nod and smile)
Tom: "Thanks. That is really nice to hear." (Tom smiles)
Another example, at the boys spring concert one of the moms looked so chic. I loved her necklace, her dress, and she just cut her hair to a pixie. She was rocking that "cool hot mom vibe." Well as soon as I saw her, I screamed over the kids processing out of the atrium, "Kara! You look A-Mazing! I love the necklace! Does your dress come in my size?!!!" I felt the need to tell her immediately because number 1: I have short term memory loss and number 2: I wanted her to know ASAP I noticed how pretty she looked.
This was easy for me. Telling others a nice or good thing comes easily but say one good thing about myself...no...not going to happen.
Recently I started thinking about this. If I heard the boys saying something negative about themselves my heart would break.
Here is what I decided to do...I made a resolution to myself. I am going to stop talking or saying out loud the things I don't like about myself. I am not going to say things like, "oh man she has such great arms. I hate my arms. Flab. Flab. Flab."
I decided I am just going to stop. Here's the deal, I guess I don't really hate my arms. If I did I would be doing push-ups and weights everyday to try and change them. I say negative things about myself for no real good reason. I read somewhere that if everyone looked into the mirror and said out loud a compliment they would say to their best friend, self esteem issues would diminish. I still haven't mustered up the nerve to do that, but I can stop being mean to myself. My weight is my weight. My legs, arms, back, neck, butt...you know what? They are what they are. When I was in high school I thought I was "huge."
Then in College I thought I was "enormous."
Graduate school, eh, kinda normal.
Getting married, again, eh, I was so happy I couldn't see straight. (probably why I got pregnant 1 week in)
When I was pregnant. Woah. It wasn't the best weight on me.
And now I just don't have the energy to keep fighting myself. I weigh more than I did in High School and Less than I did pregnant.... WIN! My point in that ramble is that I am healthy and I am maturing enough to know I sounded very silly before.
Here is a link to a Cup of Jo post talking about similar things. Wise Words
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